You may have close friends who are divorced. The current divorce rate is about 50%. Some
of my female clients have told me over the years that on their wedding day they had a gut feeling that he wasn’t the one. Often what these women say is that either they thought he would change once they were married, or they had already invested so much into the relationship and didn’t want to be judged by friends and family. I also often hear that she knew he was bad news but thought she could save him, in some way. Can you relate to any of these?
Oftentimes our intuition may be screaming at us to not do something but our thoughts and fears tell us to do it anyways. It takes a lot of practice to learn to listen to our gut and often takes making mistakes before we realize the intuitive nudges.
You may find that you’re with a man who doesn’t treat you right and isn’t the best partner but you feel like you’ll be able to help him be better. He may even tell you that he’s bad news and that he’s hurt women before you.
I believe that we attract people to us who match our view of ourselves. If there is a part of you that feels that you are worthless, you will likely find that you attract people to you that treat you that way. I have noticed some people, deep down, don’t feel that they are good enough so they subconsciously seek out partners who are dysfunctional.
There are a few things you can do to break this cycle. I suggest seeking counselling to really get to the root of this behaviour and avoid falling into the same pattern again. If you aren’t able to afford counselling right now, try journaling your thoughts and behaviours in your relationships. Take the time to notice patterns in your love life and how you could break them. You can also try talking to close friends. Speak to someone who will be honest with you and will point out patterns you may not have noticed yourself. They could even help point out red flags at the beginning of a new relationship. Change takes time, be patient with yourself. The love you deserve is coming your way. Trust the process.
The Toronto Neurofeedback and Psychotherapy Centre offers couples counselling services. Click here to learn more and to book an appointment to get support.