The secret relationship killer

People who feel bitter and emotionally trapped in their relationship often share one common trait: they choose not to communicate with their partner.

Self-expression can make us feel vulnerable and uncomfortable, which is why we can feel anxious about sharing our needs, feelings and thoughts if we aren’t sure how they will be received.

The problem

In couples counselling and individual sessions, clients often tell me that one partner in the relationship tends to withhold how they feel. This lack of communication puts an strain on the relationship. The person who doesn’t communicate usually expects that their partner should know exactly how they feel. While we can sometimes gage how our partner feels and what they want, this simply isn’t true 100 percent of the time.

The impact

Without communication, a relationship cannot survive. If you don’t communicate in your where to buy alprazolam online relationship with your partner – or any other relationship you have – your self-suppression can brew bitterness and resentment.

Lack of communication tends to be a personality trait in the sense that it’s common in people who want to avoid conflict. However, if you don’t discuss what bothers you it will typically come up again and again. In a marriage, this trait can be detrimental. When left unexpressed, resentment from unresolved anger and blame for unmet needs can be difficult to let go of.

Time turns anger into resentment, and when you’ve been holding on to resentment for a number of years or even months it can be hard to see how your relationship can be recovered.

How to cope

If this sounds like you, know that some arguments are healthy. As much as honest communication and self-expression can be uncomfortable, you need to deal with issues as they come up for you. If you don’t communicate because you want to avoid conflict or confrontation, you deny yourself the opportunity to deal with the issue and release the difficult feelings you have. In making the choice not to communicate with your partner, you also choose to bypass opportunities for healing, growth and change in your relationship.

Often, the person who doesn’t speak up sees divorce as the only way out of the resentment they harbor. If you’re in this place, see a therapist to help you understand and overcome this negative pattern. Even if you’ve been holding on to something for a number of years, you can let it go with the right guidance and support.

Lack of communication is a common predictor of divorce, so remember that potential confrontation is worth the discomfort you feel in the moment. If you don’t tell your partner the things that hurt you they may keep doing it unknowingly.

We love each other differently, so we can’t always assume that our partner knows what we want. If you do confront your partner and your arguments are explosive, get professional help so you have a safe place to express yourself freely.



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