Most of our romantic relationships are complicated, making a breakup even harder. Many of us find it difficult to stay friends with an ex, whereas others seem to transition into the friend zone quite easily. Here are four scenarios and how to handle each.
You are divorced with children and don’t communicate with your ex, except when it comes to the kids.
The most important thing in this situation is to create ground rules with your ex. You can do this by being organized and setting up a schedule of pick-ups and drop-offs to minimize confrontations with him. Try to be clear about your expectations of each other in terms of parenting, this includes coming up with a consistent way to discipline the kids. Establish boundaries including how much information you want to know about your ex’s personal life. See a therapist if you need a professional to discuss a co-parenting plan. When you do interact, keep all the conversations kid-centered. Since co-parenting is difficult due to another person (whom you may not like very much) having an impact on the lives of your little ones, you might feel constant frustration. Here, it is important to focus on what you can control – your choices, your emotions, self-care, cherishing your time spent with your children.
You had a few serious relationships and all ended on a bitter note. You don’t care to be friends with any of her exes. However, you sometimes bump into them as you run in the same social circles.
The more you see an ex that you don’t talk to, the less you will likely be bothered by him. He tends to blend in with the numerous people you constantly run into. Give yourself closure by possibly having that difficult conversation with him and let out anything you need to say. Then let it go. Even if you do feel some dislike towards him, keep it to yourself, especially if you work together. Choosing not to bad mouth an ex to friends and colleagues makes you the bigger person. More importantly, it makes him less significant to you. If and when, you find yourself having to simply greet him, don’t take things too personally. If you allow it to get to you, shopantibioticsonline you’re allowing him to ruin your day.
You were cheated on and wonder if it is okay to hold a grudge.
It’s normal to dislike someone who hurt you, especially if they lied to you and betrayed you. However holding a grudge keeps you attached to a person when you really should be working on healing yourself. Clutching to this anger will negatively impact you and can even age you! The best way to get back at him is to truly appreciate your life without him. One of the ways to let go of the anger is to think about things you may have done wrong and work on them with yourself and in your next relationship. This way, you’re gaining something from the breakup – self-improvement lessons.
You are friends with all of your exes – sometimes a little too friendly. You wonder where the line is when it comes to staying friends with your ex.
Let’s be honest, this person has seen you naked, so this is not your average friendship. While you can have a platonic relationship with an ex, you need to have a conversation to make sure neither of you are harbouring residual romantic feelings. A great way to test this out is to see how each of you feels when you’re dating someone else. If the friendship is impacting your current love life, you may not be ‘just friends.’ Another challenge is to see how you are with each other when you’re both single again. Rule number one: Don’t sleep together. If you find yourself talking to him daily, ask yourself if you’re still emotionally connected to him. You may be broken up but still very much in an emotional relationship. The best way to control how friendly you are with an ex is to make new friends.
While things will always be complicated with an ex in any situation, it is important to be honest with yourself. Ask yourself what you truly want and be honest with yourself about how you feel. When you find yourself hating someone or constantly hurting, always think about whether this emotion helps you in any way? If it doesn’t, let go and move on.
For more details on this topic, watch my discussion on CTV’s The Social.