As a psychotherapist I counsel many eligible woman in their late thirties, early forties. They want to have children. They are attractive and brilliant. But single.
These women tell me that they are single because they are afraid when they meet someone they’ll lose their independence and won’t be able to do all the things they love. When they reflect back on their past relationships, they’ve noticed they lose themselves in the relationship. They don’t see their friends as much, stop their hobbies and may even put on weight.
Many women love their routines such as going to bed early, working out, making time for reading, bubble baths, their favourite TV shows, their girlfriends as well as their careers. They feel there’s not enough time to fit a man in and don’t want to give up their busy schedules or sacrifice their sacred “me time.”
The common complaint is, “I love my single life but I’m also lonely and want love.”
However, there is a difference between wanting love and being ready for it. If you are trying to fill a void in your life that you think another person can fill this needy energy will just attract needy people. If you focus on loving yourself and making you happy, you will find a fulfilled partner just like you.
However, being ready for a relationship means you are willing to give up some things. Make space for this person in your life. In order to have something great, you might have to let go of something good. What I mean is, if you are ready for fulfilling love you may need to let go of your single life and the benefits that come with it.
If you are really ready, what I suggest you do is visualize your life with your new love. See you and this person where you’re doing all those things that fulfill you and your new love is supportive and engaged in your life. Visualize cooking together or working out together, visualize being out with your friends and he’s out with his.
In order to change your core beliefs that you can’t have it all and be in a relationship because you have to sacrifice some things, you need to visualize life with all of it coming together. Realistically you have to sacrifice a little to make time for someone to show up in your timetable. But visualizing what will be different and not losing yourself will show you that you can incorporate a new partner in a healthy manner. Your love life can look different than it did in the past. Let go of fear that you will recreate the relationship you had with your ex.
Starting to visualize is key because it helps shift your whole paradigm of what your next relationship will look like and you’ll start to feel ready as you begin to open your heart. When you are ready and only when you are ready, your awaited love with come.