What Different Types Of Hand-Holding Can Reveal About Your Relationship

Body language is most often subconscious. Hand-holding is part of our body language and can help you learn a lot about how your partner feels by focusing on the way that he or she holds your hand. There are some feelings our partners may not want to verbalize but instead their subconscious body language can reveal these emotions if you pay attention. Keep in mind that body language is a sign of how you feel in the moment not necessarily how you feel throughout the relationship.

There are three types of hand-holding:

1. Down-facing palm: Whoevers palm is facing down and has their wrist crossing in front, typically takes a dominant role in the relationship. This is also a protective stance or move. Typically, most men do this, as we saw with all the men we interviewed today on CityNews. This was observed on a busy street at Yonge and Dundas, and most men may have been protective as they walked their partners down the road through busy intersections.

2. Interlocked fingers: When couples interlock their fingers, it shows a deeper connection, and that the person is more vulnerable and emotionally and physically connected at that moment. Non-interlocked fingers suggest a more casual relationship.

3. Holding a few fingers: By grabbing only a couple of fingers, you’re asserting your independence. This could suggest you are reluctant toward some part of the relationship, need space or emotional distance. If the two of you are having problems at the time, there will be some reluctance to hold hands and you may not do so at all.

As a couple’s therapist, I often observe one partner needing more emotionally from their spouse. These buy xanax online legitimate individuals need to feel special they often ask for more affection and intimacy.

I wonder if the person who is relaxed in the relationship, and maybe even emotionally unavailable, is also relaxed with hand-holding. I wonder if they are the type to only hold a couple of fingers. And I wonder if those who are commitment phobic display their phobia in their hand-holding pattern, by never interlocking fingers or holding only a few fingers.

In your own relationship, start to notice who initiates the hand-holding and who pulls away. Typically, the partner who is less secure reaches out and the other partner is more likely to pull away. If you are one of those individuals who doesn’t like holding hands period, think about why and what emotions toward your partner and the relationship cause that reaction.

This simple gesture gives a real sense of nonverbal connection, intimacy and communication. So how is your partner communicating to you through hand-holding? Grab your partner’s hand and start to notice how they hold your hand and react. I believe there may be a correlation between being emotionally unavailable and how one holds another’s hand.  So the next time you hold your partner’s hand and he or she isn’t interlocking fingers or is grabbing only a few fingers, use this post as a conversation starter. Check in to see if they may want to communicate something to you but may be holding back. Share this research with them.

Minor changes in how you hold hands can hint at major changes in how you and your partner feel about your relationship in that moment. Start observing this non-verbal cue to gain some insight.

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  11. Janr says:

    My partner and i interlock fingers when holding hands, but i never knew why until now. Thank you

  12. SJP says:

    I have one question. There is this person that I am friends with, and for a long time I thought we were good friends up until recently. We went on a training course together over this vacation and he started showing certain signs of affection that he has never done. When we went on company visits he would hold my hand, especially during meetings and he would wrap his arms around me when we were taking a break from work, but what I don’t understand is why he would start this all now? He recently started dating a girl and he seems to be committed to this girl but now he is talking to me about a future together. I don’t know whether I should pursue him because we have never had that type of relationship and I also do not want to pursue him while he is still dating someone else because I am not a person to ruin someone else’s relationship when I’m not sure how I feel about the situation.

    • ghngl says:

      i think if that future is about work and heaving it together with the same company
      or was it becoming as family…n if thats the case leave him ,,your a reserve he want to spare

  13. Anne says:

    This is a truly interesting post, but I have a question. What about holding hands with someone who’s not your partner? There is this man I’ve been slowly bonding with, and the other day we saw each other after a long time and out of the blue he asked me to hold my hand in public. He is in a relationship, and his partner was around but out of sight. I’ve never really known where I stand with him, so what could that hand-holding mean? The hold was very tight and it lasted for a while.

  14. Kwabena Gyimah says:

    want to design a crest for my school and want the meaning of interlocking hands.

    • Nicole says:

      Hi Kwabena,

      If you read the blog post it describes the meaning:

      2. Interlocked fingers: When couples interlock their fingers, it shows a deeper connection, and that the person is more vulnerable and emotionally and physically connected at that moment. Non-interlocked fingers suggest a more casual relationship.


  15. I found this post fascinating and I’m loving your site in general! I understand how important body language can be, but I had never really thought about what the way you hold hands could tell you. It completely makes sense, and what is interesting is that me and my boyfriend probably hold hands in all those different ways… at different times. But more often than not they are closely locked.

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