Dating should never feel like an interrogation, but don’t you think you should treat the dating process as an interview where you are the prize or catch they get at the end? Be selective, you wouldn’t hire a mediocre employee for a dream job. Treat yourself like a dream woman or man and interview! Your heart is worth the process.
Dating, especially during the first month, is about observing the other person and noticing how they treat you. Create space to let them show up and shine or not.
Many of my clients ask, “What do I do if they don’t text me back.”
For example, let’s say you text ‘the potential suitor’ but they don’t text you back. There are two things you can do: text or wait.
My advice is if it’s a Friday night and ‘the potential suitor’ doesn’t text you back and doesn’t do so for the remainder of the weekend, don’t text them. Some of your friends may tell you to text him or her again, but I don’t think you should. Texting them means that you are doing all the work right from the beginning of what could later turn into a relationship. I think you should sit back and see how they respond. Observe how they are. If you do all the pursuing at the beginning you are getting in the way of noticing how they would have behaved without you intervening. See what reason he or she comes up with on Monday regarding their weekend disappearance so you can see how he or she has dealt with the absence.
When you create space for people to show up, you get to see how they really are. Stop getting in the way. It’s a lesson you skip learning early on because you are already willing to do all the work. If you start the dating process by doing all the work, you don’t give them a chance to show you how they will treat you.
Could ‘the potential suitor’ fall in love with you in another month and make you a priority, possibly!
So dating is like interviewing: ask a lot of questions, be honest, be real, don’t play games and observe. Let him or her be themselves and if you notice they are not treating you the way you prefer, don’t train them right away. I know there are some theories that say ‘get in there and train him/her,’ but don’t. Communicate your needs and see the other person’s actions in response. Be honest. Be pure. Don’t criticize. Let him or her be themselves, without your intervening, and then from there decide if this is a person that deserves you.