People are always searching for the definition of love. How do you know if you have the right person? What should you be looking for in the dating world? Are you with “The One?” It all comes down to a few very important criteria:
Do you share common goals and values? You don’t have to share all of the same pastimes and hobbies. It doesn’t matter if you like to travel and he doesn’t, or if he loves to ski but you hate the cold. Your goals and values have to be in sync. Where do you want to live? Do you want children? How do you want to raise your children? It is important to you to have a budget? Is religion a major factor in your life? Many couples jump into a relationship without this sort of reality check. The answers to these questions could be deal breakers, so better to discuss your values now, than to find out a few years into marriage.
Although verbal communication is important, you communication in other important ways: Physical touch, sex, facial expressions and body language can account for most of the communication in your relationship. You also need to verbally express your needs, concerns, dreams, and desires if you want to fully participate in your relationship. Communication is key to intimacy and connection. If you want your partner to communicate more, start with improving the way you communicate your needs and appreciation for them and in turn they usually come around!
This cannot be created, faked, or learned. You need to have chemistry with your partner. This is a basic attraction and magnetism that you and your partner share. If you don’t have this, you are likely to start living as roommates or friends shortly into your relationship. Chemistry is the spark, the butterflies in your stomach, the force that makes your heart skip a beat. This is the stuff that fairy tales are made of, and when you find the person who makes you feel this way, as long as you communicate and are compatible, hold on to each other. However, watch out for partners that only give you the spark, and nothing else. Sure, you may be intensely attracted to this person, but it is likely that you will get hurt in the end, as you will never have a healthy relationship with this individual.
So, if you are single, keep in mind the 3 C’s while out in the dating world. If you are in a relationship, ask yourself if your partner measures up. As long as you have chemistry, and a little compatibility, communication can be learned with a couples counsellor in order to have a lasting, healthy, and rewarding relationship.