This week’s blog is targeted specifically towards men going through a break up. Whether it’s the dissolution of a relationship or a marriage it’s always tough. Most women in these situations are heartbroken but may still hold a glimmer of hope in their heart for you. In these cases, women still want to be fought for. To show her she is worth the fight, follow these steps.
- Tell her you’re sorry and tell her that you’ll do whatever it takes to get her back. Give her a specific list of all the things you are willing to do such as going to individual or couples counselling or reading self-help books. This will show her that you have put some thought into your plan. She will feel special as a result.
- Share with her what you have learned from this break up and why you think the break up happened. Then reflect on and tell her how it will be different when you get back together. From her perspective she may be afraid to get back in a relationship with you because she thinks that the exact same thing will happen again. You have to show her that you are willing to change and not repeat the same behaviour.
- Show empathy. Tell her that you understand that she must have felt so betrayed, hurt or lonely in the relationship. Tell her that you understand she doesn’t trust that you will actually change. Explain to her that you will be taking baby steps in the right direction and ask her to trust the possibility that you will change and that trust will grow.
- Give her the time that she needs to heal. If she tells you that she needs space to heal, it’s very important to give it to her. By continuing to call her and text her you are making it about yourself and your anxiety. She expressed her need for space and by reaching out to her you are actually disrespecting this expressed need and her stated boundaries. No matter how sweet the gesture is – if it’s a love letter or flowers – it’s still showing her that you are putting your own needs above hers.
The most important thing is the follow through. If you are saying all of these things, make sure you mean it and are committed to taking action. While she takes the time to heal be sure you are working on yourself in the meantime and working on growing and making positive changes in your life.