3 Ways to Argue Better

argument-238529_1920Do you find you and your partner argue often? Small disagreements can be healthy and are a sign that you are both sharing your needs. What matters more is not whether you fight but how you fight and how you reconnect with your partner afterwards .

Do you have difficulty saying you are sorry? This is one effective way to reconnect after a heating argument. You will notice that when you say sorry your partner usually says sorry back. This is because a relationship is a dynamic (kind of like a dance) between two people and shifting your attitude will increase the likelihood that your partner shifts theirs.

Here are a few things you can do to argue better.

  1. Learn to say sorry (right away if possible) and practice saying sorry well. Try to explain the situation from your point of view instead of blaming your partner. You are both just experiencing the relationship differently and with some patience can reconnect through open communication and allowing yourself to be vulnerable.
  2. Learn to take responsibility for your own emotions. Believe it or not, people can’t actually make us feel anything. It is our perception of what is happening that makes us feel a certain way. Notice how you feel, notice your thoughts and ask yourself if you can think about the situation differently.
  3. Learn to let go of grudges: After an argument is over, try your best to let it go. As a Relationship Therapist, I witness so many couples hold on to anger for. If you feel angry and can’t shake it, try journaling to let it out or call a supportive friend.divorce-908743_1920
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4 Responses to 3 Ways to Argue Better

  1. deb says:

    ugh to arguing. There has to be a better way-a lot of energy lost and in the end was it worth it? If arguing leads to someone winning-well there is never a winner-it will cost someone and it can turn around and kick u in the butt. A win-win situation-now this is ideal. However, how does one get to this straight away?
    Hoping Nicole can answer and post.

  2. deb says:

    Sorry Nicole-is arguing healthy and is there a healthy way to argue or better yet to make a point? To get the significant other to consider your opinion, to listen? (without using the high pitch tone that often leads to yelling?)

  3. Nicole says:

    Hi Deb,

    That is exactly what is addressed here. Arguing is necessary for a relationship to progress and shows that you are both expressing your needs. An argument does not necessarily mean you’re yelling and screaming at each other it simply means you’re having a discussion about something may have different views on. The best way to argue is to listen to your partner and don’t become defensive. Read the blog for more ways to argue better :)

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