There are times in our life where we feel we need closure to let go of something that impacted us. We want to know why we didn’t get that job, why we got fired or why that person left us. We feel we need the answers to all our questions to move on, and we can become quite attached to the idea of closure if we think it’s the answer to feeling calm and having trust again after something has left us feeling incomplete.
If you’re in this place in your life, ask yourself how you hope to feel once you have closure, and then focus on ways to elicit that feeling within yourself.
Getting closure can happen by having a conversation or asking the questions you want answered. But the truth is that getting closure in the way that you want it to happen isn’t always an option, so focus on whether there is anything you can do to give yourself closure. What do you have control over? If you’ve done all you can and it hasn’t given you what you need, you have to focus on what you can control, which is moving on.
To move on, here are some tools that can help you let it go and give you a sense of closure.
1. Use visualization
Let’s say you never got the chance to say what you wanted to say to someone, and you feel really stuck and uneasy. You have so much you want to say and because you can’t, you’re frustrated.
In situations like this, I tell my clients to close their eyes and visualize saying the things they want to say. Imagine the person’s face and look right into their eyes (even visualize the colour of their eyes.) See what they’re wearing, and where you are. When you have a strong image, say what you want to say.
Your brain actually doesn’t know the difference between visualization and what you’re really seeing. So as you do this exercise, your brain thinks this person is right in front of you. It doesn’t know you’re creating this image in your mind and that your eyes are not seeing it. It just sees the image and reacts the way it does, which is really helpful when it comes to closure.
With visualization, you can take some power and control back. You can let out difficult emotions without filtering anything.
After your visualization, notice how your body feels. A lot of my clients report feeling a sense of lightness and relief after this exercise.
2. Explore the need for answers
Visualization can be really effective if you have things you need to say, but not so much if you have questions you want answered. If there are answers you’re looking for to move on, ask yourself what would be different if you got those answers.
Would getting answers help your confidence? Would it help you feel good or have more trust? If so, are there other ways you can give yourself these things? Can you use what you already have in your life to feel better and have more trust?
It’s so important to reflect on what is underneath your longing for closure. Your awareness of the answer to this question will help you give yourself what you need to move on, rather than waiting for what you need from someone or something else.
3. Cut the cord
Cord cutting is a powerful visualization exercise that can help you if you feel like you can’t let go of someone or something that happened, but you don’t know why. There is a sense of unfinished business that can happen with certain people in life, and I recommend this exercise if something feels incomplete for you.
To start, visualize yourself and this person with a cord of white light between the two of you, attached to your stomachs. Often we have an energetic attachment with our ex-lovers, and the cord of white light symbolizes the energy that keeps you attached and expecting closure.
Now visualize yourself cutting the cord. Some clients have told me that the cord won’t cut, and others cry and experience strong emotions during this exercise. Whatever comes up for you, welcome it and explore it. Being open to your experience during this visualization and what comes up for you will help you understand if there is anything you need to do to let it go.
After you’re finished, make sure to put pen to paper and write about the feelings and experience that happened.
The thing about life is that we rarely pause to process our emotions. Simply using these three tools – visualization, self-exploration and cord cutting – is sometimes all you need because you’ve given yourself the space to process and move on.