Many of us are conditioned to believe that our lives will fall perfectly into place when we get married to the person we love. This conditioning begins in childhood, and we come to develop the expectation that being married and having children will bring us ultimate happiness. As we grow and experience love, heartbreak and adversity, we realize that our ideals about life and love aren’t always true.
In my practice, I see many people cling to the hope that their partner will one day change, and eventually bring them all the love and happiness they desire.
In relationships, the truth is that the person you are with will likely stay generally the same as they were when you met them. My clients who are unhappy in their relationship will often say that they thought things would change and get better once they got married or had kids. They were rudely awoken when little changed.
If you are currently unhappy in your relationship, ask yourself if your partner was the way they are now when you met. Rather than trying to convince yourself that things will change, try to see your partner for who they are right now. Once you get honest with yourself about this, the next step is to ask yourself if you can live with this for the rest of your life. Do not fall in love with someone’s potential, and do not rely on the hope that one day, maybe, they will be what you need. See what they give you now and ask yourself if it’s enough.
People can change, but only to an extent. We can change our mood, behaviours and some characteristics, but there are many personality traits that actually stay the same and remain constant throughout our lifetime. Many parts of your personality are quite stable, so if you’re unhappy with who your partner is as a person, you need to consider whether or not this person is someone you can truly be happy with. The right person for you will be the person that makes you happy as they are. Rather then waiting for change to happen, try working on accepting your partner the way they are now.