I will be speaking about Dr. Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages at the National Women’s Show in Toronto from November 7th – 9th. To find out your love language, take Dr. Chapman’s love language quiz with your partner. Being aware of how you and your partner communicate love is the first step to feeling connected and fulfilled in your relationship.
We tend to love in the way that we desire to receive love from others, but this varies from person to person. If you feel out of touch with how you want to receive love, think of what you complain about the most.
Each love language has particular behaviours that go along with it. The five love languages are:
Words of Affirmation
Do you want to hear your partner voice their feelings and give you praise? Do you desire to be told that you’re beautiful, appreciated and adored? These are all indicators that words of affirmation is your love language.
Maybe you desire affection through physical touch more so than words. If you feel like the world stops when you’re in your partner’s arms, your love language could be physical touch. My clients who communicate love through physical touch often say that they feel fulfilled when they hold hands, hug and cuddle with their partner.
Acts of Service
Some of my clients say they feel loved and cared for when their partner communicates love through actions. Helping with the kids after a stressful day, fixing things around the house, and cooking are some examples of communicating love with acts of service.
You might desire quality time with your partner, rather than acts of service. People whose love language is quality time typically want to be with you often. They want to be invited out with your friends and family, and they want the time they spend with you to be meaningful and memorable. Instead of spending a night in watching reality TV, people with this love language want to take time eating meals with their partner, sharing hobbies or going for walks together.
Some people like to be shown love with gifts. Whether the gift is a piece of jewellery you’ve had your eye on or your favourite flowers, if gifts mean a lot to you and make you feel special this could be your love language.
Everyone usually has one dominant love language. Read all five and pick the one that you think makes you feel the most loved. Do Dr. Chapman’s quiz with your partner, and then have a conversation about your relationship. Taking the time to do this together will help you get clear on your needs so you can both feel more fulfilled.
Also notice when your partner loves you in their language. Be aware that your partner does love you, even though they may communicate in a love language that isn’t yours. As the two of you bring some awareness to how you communicate love, try to negotiate and be patient. Praise your partner when they try to love you in your language. Change takes time, and eventually you will both begin to feel more connected and fulfilled as you adapt how you show love.