What role do you play in your relationship? Are you the one who wants space or the one who craves more closeness?
In my practice, I have noticed that the roles we have in our relationship can create both balance and frustration.
If your biggest complaint is that your partner is lazy (for example), I’d like you to consider thinking about their laziness differently. Maybe this is their role in the relationship; to be the easy-going one.
If you think about how your partner’s easy-going demeanor calms you down at times and brings ease into the relationship, you can realize that this role actually plays a significant part in the relationship. If you were to date someone who was just like you – fast-paced and driven – the relationship would be out of balance. So try your best to embrace your partner’s role and what they are. Look for the good. It’s there.
I have female clients who strongly value their independence and would rather handle everything than accept help from partners who want to take care of them. But in rejecting your partner’s desire to take care of you, you also reject how they express their love.
Acts of service is one of the five love languages, so if your partner communicates their love in acts of service, adjust your behaviour and try to learn how to be a gracious receiver. In receiving, you show that you are open and accepting of how your partner communicates their love and affection for you.
Rather than trying to change the person you are with, try to embrace the role they play for you. With every weakness there is often a hidden strength. Can you find it?
Balancing roles in your relationship requires acceptance and understanding of who your partner is, and communication of each other’s desires and needs. You may not be able to completely change roles, but you can create balance by embracing and adjusting to your partner’s role as they adjust to yours.