When you’re sitting on the fence in a relationship, it’s the most painful place to be. It’s a place of waiting for something to happen, or for some motivation to make a choice between staying and leaving. You feel lonely, unfulfilled and unsatisfied. And you wait because it isn’t easy leaving someone who you know has a good heart and does their best to make it work.
In my private practice, I have noticed that guilt keeps a lot of people in relationships. On some level you might feel it would be wrong for you to leave someone who is good to you. But if you’re unhappy, you’re fooling yourself if you think your partner doesn’t notice.
The moment that you do make a choice – whether it’s to leave or to stay and accept the person as they are – there is freedom in making a choice. You can move away from that painful place and either move on or move forward with your relationship by confronting your issues, and working on them with your partner.
A really effective way to deal with the guilt you might feel in leaving is to shift your perception so you have faith that your partner will be okay without you. They will survive.
I often witness clients who won’t leave because of guilt-provoking thoughts that hold them back.
Do you have thoughts like this?
I don’t want to hurt him. He’s a good man and does his best.
He’s never done anything bad to me. It would be easier to leave if he was a jerk.
He won’t be able to handle it if I leave him.
Some of my clients who are on the fence won’t leave because of similar thoughts. These thoughts come from a place of fear. They keep you on the fence, passively waiting for some motivation to help you make a choice. And the motivation usually doesn’t come. Then years pass by, and you are still in this unbearable place.
If you choose to leave, you can both find more passionate, fulfilling relationships with other people. It’s important to trust in the other person’s ability to cope. In trusting them, you acknowledge that they’re strong and will get through it. You also acknowledge that they deserve a relationship with someone who accepts them as they are.
If you’re in this place, make a choice and get off the fence. No matter what you choose to do, be confident in yourself and your partner. You can find peace of mind by making a choice, and you have all you need to find the love you want.