At the start of a new relationship, we don’t trust that we will be different this time. It’s like we don’t think we can change even though we spend hundreds, sometimes thousands, on therapy, coaching, self-help and self-improvement books. If you see yourself as the jealous or controlling type, when you meet someone new you may already assume you’ll be the same in this new relationship.
If you can’t see yourself changing, you won’t change.
You may already predict that in certain situations you will act a certain way. This is a form of self-sabotage. You focus on the negative characteristics you see in yourself and forget you are in control of your life. You put in so much effort to change but you don’t trust that you can change or have what it takes to be different if you are put in that situation again.
People do say the past is the greatest predictor of the future but with age and growth, change does happen.
Here are some ways for you to gradually change. However, before you read below ask yourself if you’re truly willing to believe that you can change.
– Take responsibility for your past mistakes in relationships.
– Rather than run from your flaws, communicate these qualities to your new partner. Let your partner know that you can be controlling at times.
– Visualize yourself being different. Picture your partner and yourself in different situations but imagine yourself acting in a calm manner.
If and when you do relapse, as we sometimes go back to the way we were, breathe and try again. If you are nervous that you’ll go back to old habits, visualize yourself letting things go. Visualize being understanding, accepting and compassionate to other people and not being controlling or possessive. This will provide you with a guideline on how to act in a positive manner when the situation arises.
Truly believing you can be different is the key to personal change and growth. The first step is believing.