Women and Divorce

I counsel many married clients on the brink of divorce, and I find that in marriage, women have an expectation that their husband must be everything to them. Women often feel that a husband is supposed to be a lover, a listener, a friend, a team-mate, and a partner for every activity. While a husband should definitely be some of those things to his wife, it is difficult for one person to be everything, all of the time. As a result, a woman will find something lacking in her husband. Perhaps he does not share the same interests, or is not as emotionally in tune with her as she wishes.

Comparatively, men are much more accepting of their wives. They do not expect that their wives will enjoy every hobby that they do, and often have many people in their lives, with different roles to play. For example, a man will often have a buddy to watch sports with, another to golf with, and another who attends business events with him.

Once married, women tend to distance themselves from friends, and place all of the pressure on their husbands. When husbands do not meet all of their needs, wives initiate separation or divorce. In fact, almost 75% of divorces in Canada are initiated by women.

I would encourage women to re-evaluate the role they play in their own marriage. Love is created with many factors, but two of the most important attributes of a good partner are to be more accepting and understanding. Accept that your husband is who he is, and understand that he cannot play every role you would like him to.

Fill your life with many people who can satisfy your various needs. If you are feeling upset, try calling a friend instead of your husband, especially if you find that your husband simply does not know how to empathize with you. If you keep trying to vent to your husband, but you feel that he never understands, you will simply become angrier with him. This lack of understanding does not make him a bad husband, because there are other roles he fills in your relationship.

It is impossible for one person to be everything. Are you everything to your partner? Probably not. The divorce rate for a first marriage is approximately 50%, and it only increases with second and third marriages. You will always find fault with your husband, and the next husband, if you continue to expect everything from them.

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